Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

6 February

So, Should I? :)

TRANS MEDIA CONSULTANCY SARL
LEGAL PRACTITIONER, SOLICITORS, ADVOCATES,
LEGAL CONSULTANT OF THE SUPREME COURT,
ELEPHANT CHAMBERS,
TRECH SACARICE COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC ( WEST AFRICA )
NAME: Advocat Zonsou Kpadenou

Attn;

With much sincerity & transpirency, this information required power of attorney from you dully signed to enable us deal with the person you sent.

The humble gentleman, English citizen came to our bureau here in Benin republic and stated that you sent him to claim and have the fund transfer via special envoy arrangement on transit to Heathrow airport London confidentially.

Our bureau are hereby demanding for power of attorney stating that you sent Mr Thomas Whitehead to claim the fund and moreover that you are not interested in your inheritance fund.

So we want to clarify from you if you are actually the sender of the this person Mr Thomas Whitehead to our bureau,

Your earliest response required as this will enable us ascertain the real situability of things,

Best Regards

Advocat Zonsou Kpadenou

28 December

Well, What A Surprise (NOT)


-14

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Poor (Failure)

Take the test!

11 November

Until He Mentioned It

It never occurred to me, but until now, when Bran mentioned it, “discharge” isn’t necessarily a good word to associate with the word “hospital”.

He made me laugh.

Recovery is going well. The staples came out yesterday though the drain remains so long as it is sucking out fluid that is collecting where the gut used to be. The incision line itches like crazy sometimes though.

I got my nails done all fancy, but I’ll be going to a different place since I wasn’t fully satisfied with the job that was done. I’m finding myself having to get used to having nails while I’m typing.

I’ve been spending most of my time resting and recovering from the extreme sensory over stimulation of last week. I can tolerate music now, that’s a good thing. I’ve also joined a forum group at Thanatos.net. Though some might find the subject of death, memorial photography and the like rather macabre and disturbing it is an extension of my interest in crime and forensics. Memorial photography was popular in Victorian times with the advent of photography. For some, a photo of the corpse of their loved one was the only real, tangible reminder of their existence. This remains true today with the popularity of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep a non-profit organization of volunteer photographers who help grieving parents of infants that are born dead or die soon after birth. Anyway, it’s all in my bailiwick.

For your amusement from the folks at Weirdomatic, Creepy Ads.

13 October

I Feel Like Typing

It’s Thursday in what is turning out to be an extremely long week. Tuesday night was hell on wheels. It was like the instant I sat down something else needed doing or someone else needed help. It was nuts. I’m pretty sure that, at work, most other people’s days were like that. The replacement cook is settling in ok. She had an extremely steep learning curve since the cook was concentrating on getting the big supper done and was of little help in terms of telling her locum a lot of valuable information. She’s doing well though and my co-worker and I are making sure that stats are kept up. I find her to be somewhat…irritating, but she’s only there for another week (sadly, next week I’m on days and have to be around her for nearly the whole of my shift). She likes to have company when she has coffee and I usually don’t have time or simply don’t want to.

Bran was out helping a friend with car stuff when he phoned home. He asked if I wanted to do dim sum with a friend on Sunday to celebrate our two birthdays. What? I’m going to say no? Hell no, I said yes! We’ll also be ordering for left overs as well. I really disliked going there and not having supper provided as well. It’s the one big carb feast that I’m willing to go whole hog on (yes, that’s a reference to me being a pig).

I’ve been enjoying my tablet a lot. The on/off switch is stupid though and I think the machine will have to go back. It turns off easily enough, but turning the damned thing on is a bit troublesome. That’s a problem and with a mechanical issue like a button it generally doesn’t get better, it gets worse. So after Bran finds the bill of sale I’m going to reset to factory defaults and we’ll exchange it for a new one. It’s also possible that it’s designed to not be easy to turn on to prevent accidental power usage. Maybe I’m just sensitive because of all the issues I had with my desktop when I first got it, and the notebook being a dud (the alternate monitor connection not working, the touch pad not turning off, etc), my old laptop sounding like a jet engine with bronchitis…you get the idea. I’ve just been experimenting and found that this is indeed the case. You have to press the on button for an extended period. So it looks like it’s not a dud after all. Maybe.

Last night one of the parole officers was in the building seeing his guys. One guy and his wife come by then (he’s a former resident). Last night they brought their 18 month old girl. What a cutie she is! She’s very imperious and demanding and doesn’t speak adult yet. So everything she says is baby-babble. You should see the look of utter contempt she gets when you don’t understand what she’s saying, very impressive indeed. Anyway, I downloaded an app called “Colourbaby” onto my tablet. It’s not the most convenient app because it’s hard to exit and stuff, but she adored it…for as long as an 18 month old baby has the attention span to adore something. It presents as a blank, black screen until you touch it. Wherever you touch the screen bright rainbow colours appear (like when you’d colour black over other colours and then use a pencil to scrape off the black crayon revealing the bright colours beneath). Not only that, but it would play musical notes as long as your finger is in contact with the screen. Sorry iPad users, it’s only available for Android right now. Her mom tried to find it for her iPhone and it wasn’t there. Oh, and I found a menu button that allows the parent to control more things including exiting the program. This prevents the baby (and it is for babies) from exiting accidentally and getting into other, more sensitive apps.

We’re going to the zoo again this weekend. I’m hoping it doesn’t snow. That would put a damper on things.

Bran read to me: “In Bakersfield CA it is illegal to have sex with the devil…without a condom.” So remember that next time you’re planning on seducing the one who has been promoted from mere cast out underling to comparable nemesis of the “great bearded white man in the sky” (said on the National Film Board video Goddess Remembered but I can’t remember the name of the woman who said it…Shakina Mountainwater or something like that).

Anyway, here’s a photo of one of the animals at the zoo:
prong-horn-antelope

3 October

A Bad Joke

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? (see the bottom of the post for the answer)

Let’s see. Today was stupid busy. First a little bit of background. Last week, while most of us were away in Calgary for the AGM, two of our guys were suspended and were removed from the Centre by police (and are now probably back up at the PA Penitentiary) and we got a new resident. This meant that our house count went from 25 to 23. When I arrived to work today I found out we’re expecting 4 more people this week, three men and a woman. We knew that one man was arriving on Tuesday but the rest were up in the air. Yeah, that meant that one arrived today at around 11:30. Both of the new guys are going to be a bit on the high needs part as both are mostly illiterate and one appears to have some significant cognitive issues we’ll have to help him deal with. So we get one more tomorrow and then the other two sometime later in the week…or not. They might arrive tomorrow as well.

Today I did weekly reports and a pile of other things that I hadn’t been able to attend to because I’d been away for several days. I had to prepare the paperwork for two new people on the Reporting Centre, record some urine gatherings, do the paperwork for the new arrival, get the weekly reports worked on as well as my usual work of building and room checks, answering the door and phone and directing questions to Admin because I couldn’t help with their particular issues.

While I was working at front desk (back to the door) my boss ran out when his fiance came to the Centre. Then when he came in I just opened the door (saw his reflection in the window facing me). He put something on my head. It was my Mickey Mouse hat! I finally got one! I’ve been wanting a Mickey Mouse hat since I was a little kid. We never went to Disneyland when I was a kid (Disney World didn’t exist when I was little) and no one brought me back one as a souvenir. Well, he went to Disney World a couple of weeks ago. I asked him to pick me up a Mickey Mouse hat and I would pay him for it when he returned since I had no idea how much they cost. He made it a present. I wore it all day. I amused several residents (they already think I’m crazy), greatly amused staff and confused the new resident. I’m not sure what the PO thought when he came to see his new guy. He didn’t say and I was gone from front desk doing a building check when he left the building.

After work I was extremely tired. Bran spent the day with a headache. Together we went to bed and had a snooze. I slept longer though because I was still freakishly tired. At 8:30 he got me up so that I could go pick up Boy. My doing this saved Bran from having to do a double trip since he was picking up a friend at the airport. She was returning home after a holiday to England.

Now it’s time for me to go to bed.

Answer: He drank his coffee before it was cool.

5 May

Got a New Camera

and I’m kind of busy learning how to use it. It’s a Pentax K-7 DSLR.

I’ll edit up some photos this weekend, probably Sunday. I’ve been having a lot of fun the past couple of days. Day before yesterday I was using a Pentax K-5. Today I got the K-7. It’s mine, all mine.

Right now Police Academy 2 is playing on the DVD and Boy is discovering the joy of silliness…the scene where Mausser was shampooing his hair with epoxy.

Yeah.

15 April

This is Why a Brazilian Will Never Be Done on Me

19 March

So True It Hurts

funny celebrity pictures - Whoever said, "Do the job right the first time and you'll never have to do it again"
see more Lol Celebs

17 October

It Goes Without Saying

So I won’t say anything:

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

3 September

Very Punny

funny puns - Take That Jeebus!
see more So Much Pun