Seismic Twitch

It’s weird how things take on a new significance after the death of someone really close. Today is the second Sunday since Thomas died. I’m not feeling the same sharpness of grief that I was just a week ago. I don’t randomly burst into tears much, not in public anyway. I still feel worst when I go to bed and he’s not there, with his Kobo, reading some book or other. I miss him something fierce.

My oldest brother, one who I rarely talked to (but liked) has been calling regularly. He called daily in the first days after Thomas died. He wanted to make sure that I didn’t feel bereft of family. He’s an odd duck. He’s sweet though.

Boy continues to be a stalwart source of support. He frequently walks by my desk (it’s in the dining room) just to reconnect with me. Sometimes he’s on his way to the kitchen, but more often than not, he just comes out to see me. While I’m sure it’s for his own well being that he does this, the side effect is that I get to do the same. He’s such a sweet young man.

I’m doing laundry for the first time in many years. Boy and Thomas took it over and all I would do is fold. Today, when going out for coffee I found a huge ice buildup in the driver’s side wheel well. I tried knocking it off by kicking at it (using the sole of my foot) but that wasn’t moving it. Boy tried, but alas, he used his toe and managed to hurt it quite badly. So now I’m doing laundry on my own. Boy made sure to give me careful instructions as to how much soap and softener to use…ah, shit forgot the dryer sheet…the washer was done so I started another load, as well. It looks like it’ll be a trip to the doctor for Boy about his toe, if for nothing else, to make sure that infection doesn’t set in as the toe did bleed.

I downloaded ebook (as .pdf files) of Oh My Gods!. There are two omnibus books spanning 7 years of online publication. I very much enjoyed the comic and was very disappointed when the artist ceased creating it. Then, when I found it was being published in the omnibus format I was elated, until I saw the price…$100 for a single hard copy of it. You can imagine how thrilled I was to find a much more affordable format at $10 each. When I can afford to pay the treeware copy I shall, but for now, the digital will do. I did give serious thought to printing it out. I have a laser printer and it wouldn’t be that expensive, but the first book is over 300 pages, so I changed my mind. I might change it again. I”m a luddite when it comes to comics and I prefer having a paper copy to read. Anyway, if you like reading comics, are pagan/gay/snark friendly, you’d probably like this comic. To any Christian friends out there, yes, it does make fun of Christians, but only the can’t-think-for-themselves-fundimentalist types with no sense of humour. It also makes fun of pagans, so it’s even…there’s even a Reiki “master” in the mix.

I need to get a Pro account of my flickr again. I let it lapse late last year because we had no money and I didn’t want to put that on an already nearly maxed credit card. I want to access all my photos again. I’ll leave Bran’s up until I download all his photos that are there. Then I’ll cancel his membership. A friend told me about how Facebook will hold an account open “in memorium”. The account won’t be able to update, add new friends and the usual things that one does with their own account, but the wall will be available for people to post onto. That’ll be a nice thing. I’ll also leave his Tumblr account open. A few people have written of how they go there just to be with him again. If they find comfort in that, then who am I to deny them that?

One thing I am going to ask people to do, especially the men, is to take up his mantle of fighting against violence toward women and the racism that is woven deeply into our society. He was profoundly offended at the concept that, as a man, he was incapable of controlling himself when confronted with a woman who was dressed in certain ways, or said certain things. He was equally offended by the fact that he held a privileged position in society, not by merit, but by simply being a white male. Patrick Stewart is doing it, Thomas did it. The only difference between the two men is that Patrick has the media clout. Each man experienced the violence of their fathers. Each man took a stand against that kind of violence. Patrick has started Ring the Bell, a place to promise to help end violence against women, please, take some time out to make your promise, read the promises of other men, and take action yourself. I know that most men don’t think that beating and raping women is a good thing, but we do need more men to take up the cause, speak out, and act against the mindset that men can’t help themselves. And yes, this does include going on the slut walks and the take back the night walks. Please. For your daughters, your nieces, aunts, mothers, friends….please.

What have I been up to? Oddly enough, a fair bit. This is a long entry so get yourself a cup of tea. I’ll wait.

I got some seed beads to work on Bran’s handfast outfit thing I’m making for him. It’s like a priest’s stole but made of beads instead of embroidered cloth. I’m sure it’ll be quite a bit heavier too. Anyway, I picked up lovely red beads and some blue that are drop dead beautiful. It’ll all look really nice when I’m done.

Yesterday was a day of dishes and laundry. I got ALL the dishes done, the stove and counter tops all wiped off and thought about sweeping the floor. Yes, I thought about sweeping the floor. Alas, my back, after standing at the sink to do load after load of dishes, was in no fit shape to wield a broom. Some witch I am, right?

While I was doing that Bran and Boy were hip deep in laundry. Really, we hadn’t done all the laundry in a few weeks, just a couple 0h-I-Have-No-Shirts/Pants/Underwear loads that just did the necessities. It’s still not done yet, there are 3 more loads to go, but they made excellent progress in that. Not only did they do that, but I got the folding nearly done as well.

Boy also dried dishes and pumped up the bike tires. He was an enormous help to us. I just thought I’d put that out there as sometimes he feels under-/unappreciated. Without him the work would’ve taken much longer if it got completed at all.

Then today was an excellent workout. I did a full 20 minutes on the elliptical machine. I didn’t stop to drink water and when I drank I didn’t spill all over myself. I really have to get a bottle with a built in straw. It saves me the embarrassment of looking like a totally uncoordinated slob. I’m only a partially uncoordinated slob.

We also did work on our arms on the weights. I was in the Captain’s Chair and managed to get to 5 leg lifts before my shoulders gave out and I started drooping. We also did weight assisted chin ups (two different kinds) and dips. Then we worked on pecs on two machines and the other of my favourite machines but I don’t remember what it works.

Then it was home to shower (eventually I did) and get ready to go out for sushi with friends. It was wonderful connecting with them again. They’re both good people with good hearts and fabulous senses of humour.

My shower was satisfying. This past week I’ve been dealing with a bit of an emotional dip. Ok, so more than a dip. I tanked earlier in the week and I haven’t recovered from it yet. So my mood is low. So showering is something that fell somewhat by the wayside. It’s hard to be motivated to do anything and getting out of bed to get to work was a major accomplishment. Let’s just say that personal hygiene has been taking a hit.

Anyway, I did shower today. My legs are freshly shorn and moisturized. My hair is fly-away clean (as only curly hair can be) and I smell fresh. I’m hoping to hit the shower at least every second day as a part of trying to lift the mood. We’ll see how that works.

This week has been somewhat distressing as well because of a co-worker/friend’s circumstances. Anyone who has friended me on Facebook will have seen my status thingie about that. She and her hubby went to Edmonton where he could have heart surgery. He has a congenital heart defect and it needed some work. They spent twice as long in surgery as they planned (11 hours) then, because of bleeding and other complications, he had to go back into surgery the next day. He’s currently in critical condition on life support. Though he’s making small improvements there’s the spectre of him not making it. They’re a young couple with two young children. I’ve been sending Reiki left, right, and centre and hoping for the best. I hate it that there’s virtually nothing else I can do in terms of helping.

This added to the general lowness of my mood and had me in tears on Friday night. I don’t usually cry unless there’s some impetus, like a movie or someone hurting my feelings. Just sitting and being weepy isn’t something I normally do. It’s also not a good thing considering that I’m on anti-depressants. This leads me to think that perhaps my dosage needs to be elevated. However, I can’t do that without seeing a physician and my doctor scarpered (see previous post about that) so I don’t have a doctor right now.

Earlier tonight I was called in to work because the person who was to work the 8-12 shift didn’t show up. I got out of the house and was on the way when I got the call that she’d finally turned up. So instead Bran and I headed off the the drug store (pharmacy/apothecary/chemist’s) for cinnamon, antihistamine and junk for Boy and I. We also got a squirt container of liquid soap for the kitchen. The old soap squirt container we had was a long-ago Christmas present from Boy when he was in elementary school. It never did squirt right and recently wouldn’t squirt at all. Thanks to the antihistamines I’ll have less vertigo related nausea when I’m doing things like ab crunches and such. Gotta love being allergic to your pet.

Speaking of pets…Bran managed to do some grooming of her today (or was it yesterday?) and got a kitten. She’s also lost a little bit of body fat thanks to the food she’s been on the past while (older cat/indoor cat). This means that she can take care of her own “intimate” grooming. Of course she has to stop and do it while I’m walking behind her…on my way to the bathroom…first thing in the morning when my bladder is screaming to be emptied. Yeah, she’s such a cat.

When we were leaving to take me to do the work that I didn’t end up doing tonight, I was confused. Somewhere, thanks to the housework we did yesterday, I lost the entire day. I thought today was Saturday and I wasn’t going to work a 4 hour shift, but an entire 12 hour shift.

Oh, one thing about yesterday. I got a pair of ear buds to replace the ones that I lost the rubber thing to. These are Sony buds for sports. They have soft over-the-ear holders and are sound eliminators. They came with a hard case that makes it more difficult to lose bits. They should last a nice long time. They’re quite comfortable to wear and muffle outside noise nicely. Since I won’t be wearing them for outside exercise they’re be quite useful.

I also figured out a way to go on the jogging outings with my gym partner. You see, because of sciatica I can’t jog. It’s what makes standing still for long periods of time painful (remember how dishes made my back blow out? That’s why). The compression of the disc onto the sciatic nerve is the reason jogging (which would cause further compression) isn’t a good idea. However, I have roller blades. So long as I manage to move forward and not land on my butt, I can go along while he runs. He also has a pair of blades so we could zoom along together. Cool, right?

That’s about it. Now I have to label this entry. It’s going to be a long list. Try and pick out the one thing in the labels that I didn’t mention in the entry.

Today Bran phoned the credit union and then recieved a phone back. They were extending the time it’ll take to get the bonds back to four weeks. He let them know he was very unhappy and wanted them to locate where the bonds are. Then he received a call back with the news that their head office is talking about it taking 6 weeks because according to them the bonds have to go to the Bank of Canada, get retyped, and then they get sent back or some such nonsense. So we’re in an even deeper hole than they previously dug for us. You can bet that no one in this house is happy. At least we have my paultry pay check to be able to whittle down the rent, take care of a bill and get us groceries. They are so losing our business.

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With that news, I slept most of the day away. That’s because I was awake until all hours (wee hours, late early morning) reading The Chamber of Secrets. I finished it. Next is the first of the extremely thick books, Goblet of Fire. I’m probably not going to start that until either later tonight or tomorrow sometime since it’s Thursday and that’s murder and mayhem night. Tonight three shows will be recorded.
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I have to figure out something for supper. Bran’s out depositing my cheque so I need to figure out what to make. Right now Boy is making some tuna salad for he and I to have as a snack while we wait for Bran to get home. I have no idea what to make but for not it’s going to have to be a tide-over situation.
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Anyway, that’s it for today. I’m going to start folding laundry because I said I’d do it today. At least this way we can get the livingroom somewhat tidy.
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Ta-Ra
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1. It’s raining. I was going to add “outside” but that seems somewhat redundant since our ceilings aren’t tall enough for it to rain inside. At any rate, we’re getting the first rain of the spring season.

2. The pain came back. I suspect that it was due to talking a lot with Bran. He gave me another of his mega-powerful NSAIDs so things seems to have settled down, but my tooth is sore now.

3. My summer rash is back. Such will be my life until October or so. Yuck. I’m trying, with mixed success, to not pick at it.

4. We’re having hamburger mush with whipped potatoes, salad with oil and balsamic vinegar dressing and the package of fresh beans and carrot sticks we got at the food bank.

5. Bran cleaned out the front porch and laid down another mat there so the entire front entrance will be covered. He also changed the light bulb in front and I washed the shade thing. It’s amazing the number of insects that find their way into a sealed thing shade.

That’s it.

You can thank Cooper for today’s title. Isn’t it great?!

Did you know that if you don’t have your fingers on the right keys when you start to touch type and aren’t looking to see what you’re doing, you’ll end up typing a whole sentence of gobbledy gook? Tis true!

Let’s see. What did I do today?

First off, I was up until 5 am doing my reading and papers for today. Then I went to bed set my alarm for 10:30 so that I could rescan the readings because my mind wasn’t up to par at 5 am. I ate some leftover soup for breakfast and had a shower. Then it was time to get ready and leave.

It was beyond crisp outside today. The temperature wasn’t bad, but the wind was sharp. I suspect that the humidity was up again. It always feels colder when it’s humid. Well, except when it’s hot and humid when it feels bloody awful!

My housework tonight is washing and drying the towels. I know it’s not a whole lot of work, but it gets rid of a basket of laundry that was in the livinroom. We’ll continue on either Friday afternoon or sometime this weekend.

Class to day was ok. I forgot my essay and discussion paper at home so I had to ask Bran to bring them to school for me. I’m very lucky he slept in today. Had he not, he would’ve been at school and I would’ve been screwed. Well, perhaps not, but nearly so.

He was still at school when I was done with class and was outside waiting for the bus to come. That surprised me. I expected him to head home and go back to bed. Instead he went to the Pride Centre and hung out there. He had the camera as well. He’s been experimenting with a manual lens that he got an adaptor for. It’s been a challenge to get the photos on proper focus.

After we got home I sat about and did…I can’t remember what…oh, watched Cold Case Files. Then Bran had to go out again to return a DVD that he had to watch for a class. He’s just gotten home and settled into eating his share of the soup. I think he’s looking for a dragon to attack on Facebook.

That’s about it. At least I can’t think of anything…oh! I cleaned the bathroom last night. The floor is washed, the mirror was spotless, the sink is clean and the toilet is all clean and scrubbed out. There! That was big news. I’ll clean the tub on teh weekend.

That’s definitely it. After I get the load of towels out of the dryer then I’m going to bed.

Ta-Ra

Bran, Boy and I have been doing a little house cleaning. It’s not been a whole lot, but getting the laundry folded and out of the living room, sweeping away the dust bunnies and litter. Paper has been put into recycling, shredding or trash, depending on which category it fits. Of course, there is also the concept of putting stuff away.

Part way through, and after the laundry was folded, as I was carrying the basket back to the living room to put dirty laundry in it, my back popped. That meant that I couldn’t do much in the way of lifting, moving or shaking. Instead I sorted through the sweepings, picking out the papers, trash and needed stuff. Then I’d use the dust pan and brush to sweep up the dust. I got to be useful even though I couldn’t do a whole lot.

Bran, being the wonder that he is, moved Boy’s big leather Lay-z-Boy chair out of the corner and put my rattan egg chair and stand where the recliner was and put the recliner where the egg chair was. This opens up a corner even though it’s more crowded than before. The open rattan look gives that nice illusion of being open. the recliner closes the corner of the room a bit, and will work nicely for Boy to recline, play his Game Boy thing, watch tv and not feel left out of family life.

Boy has been washing and drying dishes. So we’ve all been working like busy little beavers. Well, except that we don’t eat tree bark, aren’t rodents and don’t have sleek pelts used in the making of top hats.

Moving the furniture about also meant that Bran found my elbow support. It’s already helping my elbow feel better. Yay! Who would’ve thunk that something as simple as a tight support would help my elbow feel better than it does without it.

My stomach is feeling a whole lot better. I had a day of being tied to the toilet, another day of feeling like I should be but didn’t have to be (hindsight, so to speak). Whatever it was went from Boy, who was sick with diarrhoea as sort of a finisher, Bran who managed both at teh same time and me, who only had nausea with diarrhoea. Talk about a mutating bug.

It’s been quite cold here of late. Yesterday both Bran and I spent most of the day that we weren’t in bed, tucked under a nice warm blanket on the couch. I turned up the radiator but it wasn’t until this evening that any appreciable warmth was felt. Of course, it didn’t hurt that we’d also been moving about and cleaning.

That’s about it from our household.

Ta-Ra

That’s what I did last night. I got rid of Facebook. I’d been thinking about it for a few days and realized that I wasn’t getting anything out of it. All I would do is log in, feed and train my dragon and send it out to battle someone. That’s it. Of course it was nice when people would send me gifts and things of that sort on it, but I’m as asocial there as I am in real life. So I’ve deactivated my account and I’m feeling somewhat relieved that I don’t feel obliged to log on and see how people are doing. If I want to know I’ll either phone them, email them, read their blogs or see them at the centre.

Dad’s coming up today so I’m finishing off the dishes. Then I’ll sweep the kitchen floor (it needs it) and see what other tidying I can do before I have to shower. The house isn’t in too bad a shape thanks to all the work that Bran’s been doing over the past weeks.

I was in bed at 1 am last night. I woke up shortly before 7. I know that because Boy got up at 7 when his alarm went off. He’s trying to get used to getting up early again because that starts on Monday. Lucky for him that Bran and I remembered to pick up a bus pass for him. I can’t believe how expensive they are! $48 for a montly pss for high school students seems a bit much.

At least Bran and I don’t have to pay for semester passes now that the U-Pass was started. Through our student fees, $159 or so per term means that our student cards become bus passes. It’s much more reasonable than the monthly our quarterly out of pocket expense of a pass. Of course, next year, if I get into the Masters program, I have to pay for a semester pass because Grad students aren’t part of the USSU and therefore not entitled to the benefits of the undergraduates. That hardly seems fair but that’s the way life is.

Tali spent the night here. She’s currently sleeping on the couch as I type away sitting in the Lay-Z-Boy chair. That’s about it for now. I might have more to type about later, but somehow I doubt it.

Ta-Ra

Encouraged by yesterday’s progress (having a shower) today I did dishes…twice. I washed last night’s dishes. Then after a supper of leftovers (cold ham, mixed veg and potato patties), I did dishes again. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that this encourages Bran to make his wonderful bread since we can’t afford to buy any right now.

I got my picture ID for my driver’s license this afternoon. It looks ok. I mean, I’m fat, I look fat, but it’s not as bad as some pictures of me.

I called Dad and put his visit off until Monday. That’s when we’re supposed to get sunshine. It’s also the day that student loans come in and we can afford to buy lunch stuff.

I’m thinking of having a cheese spread or peanut butter sandwich. I’m not sure if I will or not though.

I’ve been sleeping much better since I was able to get the window open in the bedroom. Bran ends up a bit chilly, and my feet get a bit cold, but dang! It’s so much better than tossing and sweating all night. I even had the fan going last night. It doesn’t hurt that it’s not that cold. Sure it’s below freezing, but it’s not as cold as winter can be. I sleep so much better when it’s chilly in the room.

Speaking of sleeping, I got up before 3 pm today. In fact, I was up around 1 pm. That was when I started the first round of dishes. I’ve not had a nap either. I’ve been awake nearly 8 solid hours. How’s that for progress?

That’s the exciting news.

Ta-Ra

That’s right. I’m a clean human bean. I had a shower about 1/2 hour ago. While I was in the shower, Bran made me some lovely Tetley white tea with raspberry (there are actually dehydrated raspberry bits in the bags). It’s marvelous! However, it is not decaf, so don’t drink it at night if you are adversely affected by caffeine.

In 15 minutes the two episodes of The First 48 that got screwed up. I’m losing a Cold Case Files episode that I’d recorded, but that’s ok, they’re secondary in importance and it’ll be repeated again sometime.

Ta-Ra

Last night at about 8:30 or so, the DSL went out whic means that the television channels and internet disappeared. It also means that the final two episodes of The first 48 that were on last night were not recorded. Why did this disaster occur? Bran moved the router box provided by SaskTel out of Boy’s room and into the hallway. Alas, the little wall set up came off the wall. It was only glued there. Had they been smart and screwed it down as well then we wouldn’t have had that problem. So instead of doing an entry for this blog, I was watching movies on my computer. It wasn’t so bad. I got more crosswords done.

Merry Christmas eve to all those out there who celebrate such things. Dad may or may not be coming up tomorrow. It depends on the weather. It’s warmed up some which means the frost will be coming up through the highway (for those not familiar with this phenomenon, be happy because it’s disasterously slippery) and some snow is also expected making travel somewhat treacherous.

We’ve been cleaning the house up, getting rid of stuff that we don’t want or need. I just went through a pile of personal papers and I was ruthless, RUTHLESS I say! Yes, there is no Ruth here. Though her story along with the woman who is my namesake and I’m proud to be named after such a strong woman is in a couple of books on Bran’s book shelves. Anyway, I got rid of a shitpile of stuff. I also found things I’d forgotten I had, like embroidery patterns of Celtic knots and flowers, my Effectiveness Training certificate (though I’m not sure that it’d be helpful), and old recipes. I threw out piles of old Tamara’s House stuff that was not only out of date, but was redundant in the extreme. I also got rid of old web site crap that I didn’t need/want anymore. Some went into recycling, some went into the shred box because it’s too personal. I found an old paper that I got 94% on. Too bad it didn’t count for much.

I’m having major issues about the Masters thing. It’s all complicated, but I’m having problems with the whole selling my ability to succeed in the program. I also have to find another prof to write a recommendation for me since one hasn’t replied for whatever reason he hasn’t replied for. Maybe I should also hit up the woman prof I had…she knows I can put out quality work. Anyway, I’m of very mixed mind about this whole thing. If I don’t apply then I won’t have failed, but I’ll also not have succeeded.

Bran cleaned up the aquarium last night. Boy pointed out where food was rotting rather than being eaten, so Bran sucked out the rotty bits, removed plants that had some kind of stringy algae on them, rearranged the Anubis plants and rocks and stuff, cleaned out the filter and added water. Damn! That thing is looking quite lovely and clear and stuff. The weird thing was the Siamese Algae Eater. It’s a fish that I don’t think has a swim bladder for it to maintain negative buoyancy. Anyway, it was swimming into the flow of the filter return. It looked like a salmon swimming upstream…well, except for the fact that it’s smaller, not a salmon and it wasn’t moving forward, just maintaining its position. Weird.

Right now I’m watching the Scary Movie installments that we own. I know, they’re rather immature and it’s not their season, but I like them, they’re funny and (two blonds, one who’s Pamala Anderson, screams “Turn it off!” “I can’t!” “It’s backwards!” “What do I do?!” “I don’t know!” – Who can resist that?) Later today, probably sometime tonight I’ll watch Scrooge starring Alistaire Sim and I’ll read A Christmas Carol and then promptly forget what Scrooge’s former girlfriend ended up doing, working for the poor or getting married and having a zillion kids and being every so happy. Don’t tell me. I want to find out on my own.

I finished making the bed socks last night. I lost and found my tapestry needle that enabled me to sort of do the Kitchener stitch to close them up. They’re a bit too big. I suppose I could unravel them, reknit them and make them smaller, or else I could find someone who has size 9 feet and give the socks to them. I’m undecided. That reminds me, I have to get a picture of the cardigan and sock things so I can put them up here and Ravelry to show that I’m actually doing the knitting thing.

Boy’s cooking me breakfast (a couple of compressed chicken parts pucks) and it’ll be ready soon. I have blogs to catch up on because of last night’s DSL fiasco.

Ta-Ra