Seismic Twitch

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.”

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practised his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

And last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!”

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men–he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women–she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.”

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

And last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!”

Regards,
Walmart

By medical reporter Sophie Scott and staff reporters

Posted Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:30am AEDT
Updated Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:49am AEDT
Demi-Lee Brennan with Dr Stephen Alexander and Dr Stuart Dorney

Liver transplant recipient Demi-Lee Brennan (c) with (l-r) Dr Stephen Alexander and Dr Stuart Dorney at Westmead Hospital in Sydney. (AAP: Paul Miller)

* Audio: Dr Michael Stormon talks to NewsRadio host Mike Gardiner (ABC News)
* Map: Westmead 2145

A 15-year-old Australian liver transplant patient has defied modern medicine by taking on her donor’s immune system.

Demi-Lee Brennan had a liver transplant after she suffered liver failure. Nine months later, doctors at Sydney’s Westmead Children’s Hospital were amazed to find the teenager’s blood group had changed to the donor’s blood type.

Further tests revealed the stem cells from the donor liver had penetrated her bone marrow.

Dr Michael Stormon says he and his colleagues were even more surprised when they found the girl’s immune system had almost totally been replaced by that of the donor, meaning she no longer had to take anti-rejection drugs.

“We consulted widely throughout the hospital and then looked at the medical literature and consulted colleagues around the world to see if anyone had seen this kind of thing before,” he said.

“No-one had, so we were stunned and amazed.”

Dr Stormon says his team is now trying to identify how the phenomenon happened and whether it can be replicated.

“That’s probably easier said than done… I think it’s a long shot,” he said. “I think it’s a unique system of events whereby this happened.

“We postulate there’s a number of different issues – the type of liver failure that she had, some of the drugs that we use early on to suppress the immune system and also that she suffered an infection with a virus called CMV, or cytomegalovirus, which can also suppress the immune system.”

Anti-rejection drugs, known as immunosuppresants, have significant side effects, including serious infections and toxic effects on organs.

Dr Stormon says doctors are trying to identify which patients could come off the treatment.

“They may not, like Demi, change their blood group and change their whole immune system and their bone marrow but there are a small percentage of patients who seem to get away with not needing immunosuppresion,” he said.

“But the difficulty is trying to identify which ones you should stop immunosuppression on because there’s always that fear and risk that over many months or years, rejection can still occur.”